FAQs

“What is this site all about?”

RiotMonster.com is a weblog (blog) that specializes in the latest in video game news, cannabis legalization, unusual headlines and entertainment. A stoned gamer’s humble lifestreaming website that includes a sprinkle of celebrity bashing, bizarre fetishes, cringeworthy love-gone-wrong situations, some of the latest gadgets, Japanese weirdness, Internet-related hilarity, medical oddities, strange people, compelling conspiracies, upcoming movie buzz, hysterical videos & anything else she finds interesting or even slightly amusing. Intelligence, humor, brutal honesty & a cutthroat attitude makes Riot Monster one of the most standout bloggers on the Internet today.

“Where did you come from?”

Excellent question, young cricket… I raced valiantly, conquered several hopefuls and finally made it. I am the all-powerful winner of the sperm race. (Pause for uproarious applause) After that victorious triumph, I spent an undisclosed long-winded amount of time as a dumpster baby, living off the mysterious liquids that dripped into my murky trash can. As a toddler, I was discovered by a shrewd Samurai who gave me his word that he would train me in the ways of Karate. I was taken under his wing.

Unfortunately, I ended up working in an Asian sweat shop, constructing mammoth shoes for run-of-the-mill basketball players. After turning seven years old, I decided it was high time to ‘GTFO’ and experience the free world. Months after months of hitchhiking and over 9,000 H-Jays later, I ended up in a miniscule town in big daddy Texas where you have nothing to do but drink, snort cocaine, screw hookers, smoke crack  and have unprotected gay cowboy sex. As a convicted sex offender and a felon for robbing porn shops, I’ve grown to become the bombastic starlet your mother warned you about.

And, that’s the story of a girl.
(Errr, at least, it went something like that. Fuck my short term memory.)

“How’s the love life going?”

(aka Do you have a boyfriend?)

I do have a boyfriend. Prepare for the inevitable mushy gushy boyfriend ramblings… I’ve been head-over-heels since even before the first day we got together on 10|30|04. We’ve never broken up since we’ve been together and BONUS!! We don’t have unplanned children, thank Hades. My boyfriend and I are not like other couples. On our two year anniversary, we gave each other Nintendo DS Lites. You won’t catch us paying money for couple photographs at Sears like other queer couples; We’d rather snap screen shots of our Halo 3 Spartans tea-bagging/taco-dropping our opponents.

We don’t normally watch romantic comedies together, although we enjoy laughing at Hentai porn and nerdgasming over upcoming video game trailers. We smoke each other out, get the munchies and cruise in our retired cop cruiser (that we won at a police auction) on our Harold & Kumar-esque search for grub. We waited thirteen (fun geeky DS-playing) hours in line for the midnight release of the Nintendo Wii. We don’t take romantic outings in Aspen or Cancun, we score pit tickets to metal shows. We just enjoy our drama-free, laid-back life and have fun together.

“What turned you into a colossal nerd?”

Two words: Video Games. The majority of little girls I knew as a child seemed to be perfectly happy, innocently dressing up their Barbies. That sort of stuff was never that exciting to me. I’ll admit, I was wildly smashing my doll’s plastic naughty bits against each other, making them pretend-bang; But, I was also virtually dodging traffic as Frogger and learning the enchanting ways of the glorious joystick. For a short time during middle school, I was a bit distracted by all the sex, drugs and rock n’ roll, that I sadly lost interest in video games during the early Xbox / PS2 / Gamecube era. Years later, I spend the majority of my time (when not plopped in front of my TV with a controller in my hand), in gaming-related forums or reading reviews on intriguing, upcoming titles. Since games sell for 60-fuckin-dollars these days, I can’t afford to take chances and I don’t enjoy watching my wallet get raped for just ANY game.

Since, I don’t have all the money in the world for every incredible game that I want when it comes out, sometimes, I’m a bit late to the party. I don’t really care though, as long as I get to eventually play them. I adore games from hardcore, in-your-face, balls-to-the-wall shooters like Gears of War to fun, carefree, splashy games like Paper Mario. Not to mention, I didn’t skip and almost fail high school to drink alcohol & have butt sex like the POPULAR kids… When I played hookie, you’d find me and my best friend in the mall arcade wasting our life savings (in quarters) on those damn dirty arcade machines.

“What’s with your love affair with Mary Jane?”

You had me at Euphoria. Seriously, I love everything about this plant. Personally, smoking it got me through some of the toughest times of my life and saved me from a spiraling depression. I’m not addicted, just infatuated. Her beautiful bright sweet leaves, her enchanting smell, her captivating taste, the positive feelings she gives me… Sweet Mary Jane. I adore the inspiration, positive thought process and creativity she stirs inside of me and many many others. I love the peace of mind, body and soul that she restores in me. I love sharing a packed bong bowl and bonding with close family and friends. Every time I see Mary Jane, a smile crosses my face. Every time her smoke hits my lungs, even after the WORST work days, I instantly feel happier. I enjoy life tenfold when I’m high. As a member, donater and firm supporter of NORML, I hope to help in any way to achieve complete legalization in America. Everyone is passionate about something and this plant happens to be one of the things I have a soft spot for.

“Why do you think Cannabis should be legal?”

Rant time. Everything the police-driven D.A.R.E. programs and anti-marijuana propaganda has told you about Cannabis is a lie. There should be a stop to the anti-pot propaganda and people have the right to know the truth about this harmless plant. We must remove Cannabis from criminal hands so it becomes respected for what it truly is, medication.

If we work together, we can right a wrong. There’s truth in numbers and if those statistics are correct, I know there’s a hell of a lot of you that enjoy sparking up. We, who are under the influence, are above the ignorance. No one should ever feel afraid to stand up for what they believe in. Someday our grandchildren will read about our generation and ask “Is it true that the Cannabis plant was illegal when you were growing up?” Well, you know what? I don’t want to wait that long. We need to end pot prohibition now! We must eliminate the issues associated with the prohibition of Cannabis, including the crime, corruption and violence involved with the current “black market.”

“The only dead bodies from marijuana are in the prisons and at the hands of the police. This is ridiculous.” – the late and great pot activist, Jack Herer

Who seriously wants to live in a world that prosecutes a God-given plant that offers physical, psychological, and spiritual benefits? The people have spoken, when will the government listen? How can they ignore the truth any longer? When will they understand that the stigmas that are attached to this plant are moot? Cannabis not only helps Cancer patients with anxiety but it can be used as a way to just feel good and nobody should be denied that right, especially since it’s causing harm to no one. Also, who are they to restrict what we can and can’t grow on our own green Earth? It’s a Human Rights issue.

HEMPstead, Long Island; HEMPstead County, Arkansas; HEMPstead, Texas; HEMPhill, North Carolina, HEMPfield, Pennsylvania, among others, were named after cannabis growing regions, or after family names derived from hemp growing. Cannabis hemp was legal tender (money) in most of the Americas from 1631 until the early 1800s. Why? To encourage American farmers to grow more.

Not only have Canadian researchers from a university found that Cannabis helped stimulate brain cell growth in rats; Hemp could save our decaying, melting, war-stricken, oil-dripping shit hole of a planet. It could provide fuel alternatives (HempCar.org), paper (Benjamin Franklin started one of America’s first paper mills with cannabis), housing, textiles, food, soap and so many other things. Cannabis hemp is, overall, the strongest, most-durable, longest-lasting natural soft-fiber on the planet.

“The earliest known woven fabric was apparently of hemp, which began to be worked in the eighth millennium (8,000-7,000 B.C.).”

There are tens of millions of Americans who smoke Cannabis responsibly and believe the recreational and medicinal use of marijuana should no longer be considered a crime. Cannabis is not just fueled by lazy stoners, gang members, Rastafarians and hippies. Your mail man, co-workers, accountant, food server, ambulance driver, security guard and bell hop most likely toke on the daily. Cannabis is the working man’s morning cigarette and the business man’s evening pipe. Free the plant. Release the medicine. End the overflowing prison state. </end rant>

“Why do you post about __________?”

Oftens times, I get a dick load of flack for the topics that I enjoy writing about or the way that I write, in general. My inbox will be brimming with bitter messages from huffy gamers bitching about grammar, bias or the “irrelevant” marijuana posts on my site. Sometimes, there’s an outraged email from an exasperated Cannabis activist spewing hatred about how I should stick to writing about “porn” and video games.

Next time you feel the need to stab your Caps Lock button and attempt to tell me off, save your rage. One characteristic about me is that I was born with the Don’t-give-a-fuck gene which makes it incredibly hard for me to care about unnecessary spiteful bitching. Try to remember that I write only about what I like. Me, myself and I. If you happen to enjoy the same things and care about the same issues as me, congratulations you are my demographic. If you don’t, there’s plenty of other sites you can hopscotch to.

Kisses, Candy, Kush & Cum Shots~
Riot Monster