Masturbation Horror Story: A Man and his Vacuum

[NOTE: Masturbation Horror Stories is a featured series that shows some ridiculous & insane methods of Self Love. You will hear stories of accidents that almost cost the masturbaters their lives. It’s fucked up. Cradle your genitals & cover your butt holes because these stories will make you cringe.]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaalright well, I know it’s been quite a while since I’ve told you guys about these horror stories that I come across but I decided to start it up again. I’m going to kick it off with a short beautiful story about a man and his vacuum.

One day, a woman was concerned to hear the vacuum cleaner running continuously for a long time, next door. Hesitant, she decided to find out what was going on and head over to her neighbor’s house and see if everything was ok. There, she found her 57 year-old neighbor dead, slumped over the dining room table in a compromising position.

His legs and buttocks were wrapped in pantyhose and he had a table leg up his ass. Turns out, he had a heart attack, more from the excitement of the moment than due to malfunction of the vacuum.

Upon questioning, his wife admitted having caught him once before in congress with the vacuum cleaner. She also admitted not having had sex with him for the past five years.

I’m wondering, where the hell was his wife at this whole time the vacuum was running?! And I think they should halfway blame her for his death because of her lack of sex with him. What a bitch.